Revisit: Kevin Rowland's My Beauty

Kevin Rowland's My Beauty is a terrible album at first impression, with its shocking cover featuring Kevin in drag, a few not-so-good covers, and songs with changed lyrics. When listen more closely, the album is an autobiography of how Kevin went through the lowest points of his life.

After Dexy's Midnight Runners broke up, Kevin sank into depression and drug abuse. He eventually overcame the addiction and published My Beauty. Teemed with emotions, but not at all romantic, Kevin was singing to himself this time. It was apparent in the lines of "it's okay, it's okay", "it'll be alright", and "cheer up", or similar lines throughout the album. It's perceivable that Kevin suffered low self-esteem. He found himself back through music and those self-consolating lyrics.

There could be a deeper meaning to Kevin himself when he dressed in drag and projected himself as "she" in the cover songs besides just being weird and disgusting. A gender-bending alternative self is common in arts and literature. The "femme enfant" is usually associated with vulnerability. The cover of Labelled with Love, with a completely set of lyrics from the original, was evidently autobiographical while Kevin narrated from third-person of the story of a girl. The line "you're so pretty you could easily be a girl" in Rag Doll made us wonder if Kevin was acutally referring to himself. A feminine self allowed him to express his vulnerability and emotionality in public.

The songs demonstrated different stages of his recovery. Kevin was depressed and confused, as in "I Can't Tell the Bottom from the Top" and the gender-bending self. He walked through this difficult "Long and Winding Road", and examined his past, "Reflections of My Life". He told himself, "It's Getting Better", and comforted his broken self by singing "I love you just the way you are" in "Rag Doll" and "You'll Never Walk Alone". If you think this album is not artistic and beautiful; it might be true, but I'll say it's psychological.

Sorry Kevin, your second solo album is not a great album, but I feel your pain and see your will and courage. You reminded us how a ordinary, flawed person was once lost, struggled, and eventually found his normal, beautiful self back.



Lyrics of Kevin Rowland's "Labelled With Love (I'll Stay With My Dreams)"

She opens the top of her new cocaine packet,

Shuffles about in her dim and dark hovel,

Like a frightened old witch with pure panic she shivers,

Sweats like a pig and the neighbours she sickens,

Her darkened room, it has long seen a visitor,

Her frightened scowl is a permanent fixture,

The postman delivers the final reminders,

She tries not to see them and thinks herself finer.

Sniffs not to think of I, me and myself,

Lines up the coke and goes off in a dream,

Home is a place, I don't know where that is,

So my dreams have been bottled and labelled with love.

During her youth a North Country cowboy,

Made all her night-life a time of excitement,

She moved to his manor and stayed near the cowboy,

She learned from a distance how romance won't fix her.

He became drinker and she became mother,

She knew that she couldn't live life with another,

She became a controller and moved to a city,

Scared of her feelings, she kept herself pretty.

Drinks not to think of I, me and myself,

Gets into fights and ends up in a cell,

Home is a love, I don't know what that means,

So the pain has been bottled, I'll stay with my dreams.

She made up her mind to become a pop singer,

She believed then that nobody would scold her,

She'd have all the power and then she'd be happy,

But with no self-esteem, she threw it away.

There came a time when nobody was listening,

It was so hard just to sit with her feelings,

In a dirty old room, in a sweat-covered bed,

She'd lay and she'd fret and sniff from the packet.

Sniffs to remember I, me and myself,

Chops up the coke and drops more beads of sweat,

Home is a place, I don't know where that is,

So the pain has been bottled, I'll stay with my dreams.

Sniffs to remember I, me and myself,

Chops up the coke and drops more beads of sweat,

Home is a place, I don't know where that is,

So the pain has been bottled, I'll stay with my dreams.

The pain has been bottled, I'll stay with my dreams.